What’s that, you say? You did not spend the fourth year of your life watching Gwen, Tamara and Fallon soar on their flying unicorns through a pastel Lisa Frank wonderland, defeating evil with the power of friendship?
You did not spend recess bickering over which jewel rider each girl got to play, not minding that you always ended up with Fallon, because she was clearly the underrated best?
You did not careen around, thrusting forward your tiny fist in a gesture strangely reminiscent of the red salute and yelling “by the POWAH of the MOOOONSTONE” at anyone who attempted to thwart you?
Ah, my friend, coy Fortuna cannot be kind to all of us.