I’m in a Frivolous Mood

So I’m going to post about frivolous things. Like all that girl-boy stuff. Specifically, deal-breakers. In movies I feel like the deal-breaker is always living with your parents, or being kind of a snob, or looking like Judd Apatow;  I really don’t think any of those things would kill it for me, though, if I were into the general package. Also, I don’t categorize things like not treating one well, cheating, or being nasty to one’s friends as dealbreakers–those are just common-sense and universal reasons not to be with someone. Dealbreakers are more personal, more finicky, more potentially negotiable. So what are my dealbreakers, if they even exist?

1. Not liking beer: If you don’t like whisky, fine, more for me. But beer? We’ll never be able to really bond. Not to mention, hello, family pong tournaments?

2. Actively disliking Bjork: Don’t question me on this, or you’ll meet an army of me.

3. Too refined a sensibility: If you’re not going to appreciate my dirtier jokes, or you cast looks of pained saintliness my way whenever I put on The Goonies, I’m going to be a very unpleasant person to live with. Plus we probably have very different ideas on how to raise children.

4. Not being into…umm…physicality: Like I said, a very unpleasant person to live with.

5. An investment in traditional gender roles: Why are we dating? Have you even met me?

6. A porn habit: If you’ve slept around in the past, looked at things you shouldn’t have, fine. But if you have any lingering attachment to or affection for the stuff—well.

7. Control freakishness: Again, why are you even dating me?

8. Saying things like “you’re my muse–I need you to write my music,” or “you make me feel so alive…“:  And yes, I have found that men in real life do say things like that. Yes, really.

9. You’re into being a couple in all those annoying couple-y let’s-stand-next-to-each-other-like-Siamese-twins-at-this-party ways: If you want an exclusive claim on my time and affection, I suggest you go buy a ring. A nice sparkly one, too. And even then, don’t be annoying about it.

10. You have no interest in exploring South America or relocating to Myanmar. You think a nice house in West Chester sounds much nicer. You don’t like mess or noise or tackiness or kids with no shoes and chipped teeth. You can’t really envision your lady-love in denim overall shorts. What more is there to say?

Do any of you guys have dealbreakers? What are they?