50 Shades of Grey With Anastasia Romanov Instead of Anastasia Steele

“I think you need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man. If you say you are going to contact me when you finish work, then you should have the decency to do so. Otherwise, I worry, and it’s not an emotion I’m familiar with, and I don’t tolerate it very well. Call me.”

                                        **************************************************************

“You should find me intimidating,” he nods. “You’re very honest. Please don’t look down. I like to see your face.”

            ***************************************************************************

“I’m a very wealthy man, Miss Steele, and I have expensive and absorbing hobbies.”

                              ***************************************************************

“I tracked your cell phone, Anastasia”

 ***************************************************************

“You can leave anytime. The helicopter is on stand-by to take you whenever you want to go, you can stay the night and go home in the morning. It’s fine whatever you decide.”

                      *************************************************************

[Upon waking up the night after she drinks for the first time, is sexually assaulted by a friend, and is taken home–his home, not hers–by Grey]
You’re lucky I’m just scolding you.” “What do you mean?” “Well, if you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You didn’t eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk.”
                    ******************************************************************
Can I treat you?” I ask Christian. “Treat me how?” “Pay for this meal.” Christian snorts. “I don’t think so.” he scoffs. “Please. I want to.” He frowns at me. “Are you trying to completely emasculate me?
                **********************************************************************
“Anastasia, you should steer clear of me. I’m not the man for you.
                       ****************************************************************************
“Besides, immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born to control things,”
                 ******************************************************************************
“No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so – hot.”
                ***********************************************************************************
“But quite frankly, Anastasia, I’m not sure you have a submissive bone in your delectable body.”
                 *************************************************************************************
“Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone – remember?”
               ********************************************************************************
“‘This conversation is not over,’ he whispers threateningly.”
                     ******************************************************
“It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car, just to show you that you’re mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car,” he growls.”

All That Needs to be Said on “50 Shades”

I was going to write a full post on it, but seeing as I have not read the overhyped Twilight fanfiction book, I think I’ll let it speak for itself.

(Warning: the second video contains words pertaining to the female anatomy, and honestly gets old after about oh, 30 seconds. If you think it would be offensive or dangerous to your soul, by all means don’t watch. However, the first clip is a wonderfully tasteful rendition. I do think that they both highlight the absurdity and pathetic reality that something so base and crude and horribly, horribly written is a best-seller and turn-on. But that’s just me.)