Only the Good Die Young IRL


Billy Joel: Come out Virginia, don’t let me wait, you Catholic girls start much too late

Virginia: Do I know you?

Billy Joel: Sooner or later it comes down to fate

I might as well be the one

Virginia: Or…you might as well not! Amor fati cuts both ways, you know!

Speaking of which, do I know you?

Billy Joel: They showed you a statue and locked you away

they built you a temple and told you to pray

ah but they never told you the price that you pay

Virginia: They didn’t, but I’m sure you’ll enlighten me.

Billy Joel: the things that you might have done.



*Break while Virgina tries to enjoy her beer. Billy Joel repeatedly shouts “Only the good die young, you know?” flecking her ear with spittle each time.*



Billy Joel: You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd

Virginia: Actually I haven’t heard anything about you at all

Billy Joel: We ain’t too pretty

we ain’t too proud

Virginia: Yeah no, I can see that

Billy Joel: We might be laughing a bit too loud

Virginia: Never

Billy Joel: But that never hurt no one


*Virginia lets this stand, continues trying to enjoy her beer.*


Billy Joel: So come on Virginia, show me a sign

Send me a signal I’ll throw you a line

Virginia: Sorry, what are you talking about now?

Billy Joel: That stained glass curtain you’re hiding behind

it never lets in the sun

Virginia: It’s nighttime

Billy Joel: You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation

Virginia: Are you thinking of first communion maybe?

Billy Joel: You got a brand new soul

Virginia: Nope, baptism

Billy Joel:  And a cross of gold

Virginia: Oh actually I got my grandmother’s mother of pearl Miraculous Medal. She said it saved her life in World War–


you didn’t count on me

when you were counting on your rosary

Virginia: No, because….why the fuck would I ever do that, again?

Do you understand how rosaries work?  Are you just saying words without bothering trying to string some meaning together?


*Billy Joel is not listening, proceeds*


Some say there’s a heaven for those who will wait

some say it’s better but I say it ain’t

Virginia: Oh, well, if you say so

Billy Joel: I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints

the sinners are much more fun

Virginia: Clearly.








3 thoughts on “Only the Good Die Young IRL

    • +J.M.J+

      If it’s okay, I’d like to continue the fisking:

      Billy Joel: Well your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation

      Virginia: Actually, she told me guys like you could give me a reputation, an STD or two and maybe a baby out-of-wedlock. I think I’ll pass.

      Billy Joel: She never cared for me

      Virginia: I don’t care for you either, so…

      Billy Joel: But did she ever say a prayer for me?

      Virginia: Are you now accusing my mother of being a self-righteous religious hypocrite? Sure, insult my mother; way to win me over, dude. (/sarc)

      Billy Joel: Come out come out come out Virginia don’t let me wait,
      You Catholic girls start much too late
      But sooner or later it comes down to fate
      Oh I might as well be the one,

      Virginia: Okay, now you’re just repeating your sad excuse for a pick-up line, which is even less effective after three minutes of you haranguing me to abandon my Faith and let you in my pants.

      Billy Joel: You know that only the good die young

      Virginia: Well, if that’s true then, to quote a REAL rocker, “Hope I *die* before I get old!”

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