Things I Want to Learn to Do

1. Sew my own clothes, although I would start with sewing anything at all (Sew Anything, starring Yours Truly, John Cusack, and a sewing kit). My younger sister J is a really talented artist, seamstress, and designer of clothing, all talents from which I have shamelessly profited. We had this great arrangement in high school where I would edit her papers and bake stuff for her, and she would take over my art projects (Sr. Kathleen, if you are reading this, she is the reason I passed your class) and do cool things with my clothes. Which was awesome, except now we are miles and miles away, and I’ve never had to sew on my own buttons. Although I am firmly convinced that mending one’s clothes with visible safety pins will someday become trendy.

But also this and this. What I’m trying to say is…..sewing circle, anyone?? I think yes.

2. Knitting, crocheting, and all those other sub-categories of sewing. Because not only would I be less tempted to splurge on adorably overpriced scarves and hats at J.Crew, I’m pretty sure that if I started knitting on the subway people would think I was from Williamsburg. And therefore much, much, cooler. Plus it will give me something to do when when I am a cantankerous old lady and get tired of shooting children with a BB gun from my rocking chair.

Also, how else will I free the house-elves?

3. Garden! I mean, I can garden, as in, I can keep some herbs and marigolds and maybe a tomato vine or two alive and bearing fruit. When I say garden, I mean more, cover every spare inch of the space in which I live not taken by hammocks, cats, or guests requiring shelter in things green and growing. And then move onto any unclaimed space in my near vicinity. And then maybe some of the claimed space too. Basically, I want to take over the world.

Right now I don’t have my own house, so I’m waiting on the hammocks and cats and guests, but I will have begonias and tomatoes, dammit. And when the weather turns cool, kale.

While we’re on the subject, does anyone else have vivid and terrifying memories of this movie?

4. Some kind of martial art. Boxing is fun, and I doubt I’ll ever be a black belt in karate, but I feel like there must be one out there made for small people going up against bigger people. Kickboxing sounds fun too.

5.  Stop eating all the key lime pie.

6. Stop eating half of every pie crust I make before it goes in the oven.

7. Just stop eating all the pie, period.

8. Argentine tango.

9. Pick a lock.


5 thoughts on “Things I Want to Learn to Do

  1. For learning to knit, is the best. Get a pair of wood and a pair of metal needles in the same middling small size (6-9), because in my experience everyone gravitates heavily towards one type or the other. Find out which you like best. Get some 100% cotton yarn, and knit dishcloths. They’re good for learning because who cares about gauge or if you accidentally drop or add stitches to a dishcloth? The result is just going to get grungy and worn out. You can use dishcloth knitting to practice all sorts of stitch patterns too. Moss stitch and garter stitch are especially good for dishcloths. is a good source of decently cheap quality needles and yarn in a variety of fibers and weights. I especially like their circular needles, the cable is very flexible and comfortable to knit with.

    If you plan on knitting on public transport, I highly recommend using circular needles instead of straight needles, because it keeps you from losing needles on the bus. I lost one of my nice bamboo double points on the bus once, and I still get annoyed when I think about it.

  2. First of all Clare never stop eating pie. Never.
    I’ve been reading your blog forever so I don’t really know why I’ve never commented before.
    OH MY GOODNESS LORD! A TROLL IN CENTRAL PARK. I had almost forgotten about that movie. thanks so much for reminding me. To repay you:
    And it may not be Argentine tango but I am going salsa dancing tonight. in central america. be jealous, be very jealous.

    Oh and thanks for the shout out.

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