1. Sew my own clothes, although I would start with sewing anything at all (Sew Anything, starring Yours Truly, John Cusack, and a sewing kit). My younger sister J is a really talented artist, seamstress, and designer of clothing, all talents from which I have shamelessly profited. We had this great arrangement in high school where I would edit her papers and bake stuff for her, and she would take over my art projects (Sr. Kathleen, if you are reading this, she is the reason I passed your class) and do cool things with my clothes. Which was awesome, except now we are miles and miles away, and I’ve never had to sew on my own buttons. Although I am firmly convinced that mending one’s clothes with visible safety pins will someday become trendy.
2. Knitting, crocheting, and all those other sub-categories of sewing. Because not only would I be less tempted to splurge on adorably overpriced scarves and hats at J.Crew, I’m pretty sure that if I started knitting on the subway people would think I was from Williamsburg. And therefore much, much, cooler. Plus it will give me something to do when when I am a cantankerous old lady and get tired of shooting children with a BB gun from my rocking chair.
Also, how else will I free the house-elves?
3. Garden! I mean, I can garden, as in, I can keep some herbs and marigolds and maybe a tomato vine or two alive and bearing fruit. When I say garden, I mean more, cover every spare inch of the space in which I live not taken by hammocks, cats, or guests requiring shelter in things green and growing. And then move onto any unclaimed space in my near vicinity. And then maybe some of the claimed space too. Basically, I want to take over the world.
Right now I don’t have my own house, so I’m waiting on the hammocks and cats and guests, but I will have begonias and tomatoes, dammit. And when the weather turns cool, kale.
While we’re on the subject, does anyone else have vivid and terrifying memories of this movie?
4. Some kind of martial art. Boxing is fun, and I doubt I’ll ever be a black belt in karate, but I feel like there must be one out there made for small people going up against bigger people. Kickboxing sounds fun too.
5. Stop eating all the key lime pie.
6. Stop eating half of every pie crust I make before it goes in the oven.
7. Just stop eating all the pie, period.
8. Argentine tango.
9. Pick a lock.